January 3, 2024

The values I chose from the list today: Courage, Curiosity, Creativity, Gratitude, Growth, Integrity, Kindness, Leadership, Openness, Optimism, Security

Courage: I’m really tired of reacting instead of acting and I think a lot of reaction stems from fear. I really want to move towards courage, which to me means that even though I am afraid or anxious, I act from a place of wholeness and reflection instead of reaction. In order to do that, I need to embrace vulnerability. Asking for help and relying on those around me feels really scary. I have spent so much time being supportive and forming my identity around creating and maintaining stability for others. To admit that kind of weakness will require a lot of bravery.

Curiosity: Perhaps the quote that has resonated with me most from Dare to Lead is “Curiosity is unruly. It doesn’t like rules, or, at least, it assumes that all rules are provisional, subject to the laceration of a smart question nobody has yet thought to ask. It disdains the approved pathways, preferring diversions, unplanned excursions, impulsive left turns. In short, curiosity is deviant.” It reminds me of why I also embrace the label of queer over any of the various other identity descriptors. To me, it also means a sort of deviance, a resistance to easy categorization, a desire to find out rather than to fit in. Curiosity to me also captures a joy that learning or growth don’t necessarily include. Curiosity has an inherent pleasure, both in not knowing and excitement of a new path and in the discovery of following the question to its end point.

Creativity: I’m most happy when I am creating. I cannot be satisfied and fulfilled without actively making and creating, but I think that creativity and curiosity are very tied together for me. They may even be the effectively the same value. I don’t know how to, nor do I think it is all that useful to force creativity. Brené Brown speaks about how living into your values is not necessarily easy. How it can be very challenging, but are values are something that we are willing to experience discomfort for.

Gratitude: To me, gratitude means a mindfulness practice, staying present in the current moment and aware not just of the challenges ahead, but also of the achievements so far and the support on the way. Mindfulness and gratitude are very important to me currently, especially to my mental and physical health. I recognize their value, but I’m not sure they are a core value for me.

Growth: I spoke about this a bit as part of curiosity. Growth is a dedication to constant improvement. I always want to learn more, be a little better every day, move towards mastery. I wonder how much that desire when I look at it this way comes from a place of anxiety instead of a place of curiosity and joy. I don’t expect living into my values to be easy, but I want them to be motivated and supported by love and joy and not fear.

Integrity: Integrity has always been important to me, but I struggle to define it. Brené Brown’s definition is “Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.” Another definition of integrity, like structural integrity, is being whole and undivided. It is important to me to not be in conflict with myself. While I contain multitudes that sometimes seem and feel contradictory, integrity to me means a soft focus, the ability to hold both, swaying instead of breaking, and remaining unified. To me, integrity is when I feel like I’ve made a mistake, but I can truthfully say, I did my best with the knowledge, ability, and resources I had at the time. In some ways, choosing this as a core value feels like cheating, because it includes so many other values. You can’t have integrity without honesty. You can’t have integrity without self-knowledge. You can’t have integrity without courage.

Kindness: Kindness gets me into trouble. I think kindness is incredibly important, but I suspect it often gets crossed in my brain with people pleasing. I need to learn that it is not always kind to shield people from challenges.

Leadership: While leadership has been important in my life, I think it may not actually be a core value. Leadership is a means to an end. It is necessary for creativity and curiosity and building the world and life I want.

Openness: Openness really combines curiosity and courage for me. It also includes mindfulness and kindness.

Optimism: There is always another path. Things can always get better. I will not give into despair just because I cannot see a way forward at any given point in time.

Security: I do really want to have more security and stability in my life, but ultimately, I think this again is motivated by fear and not by joy or integrity.

From my reflection today, I think I can narrow my core values down to Integrity and Curiosity.