February 15, 2024

Hello friends,

I used to not particularly care about Valentine’s Day. I still don’t particularly, but when Andrew and I were discussing whether we wanted to do anything special for it or not, Andrew shared something that his mother had said to him: days aren’t naturally special. They are special because we make them special and in the long term, you will never regret making more days special for each other.

Yesterday, we cooked for each other and made chocolate dipped strawberries together. Our evening made me feel very loved.

I’ve been thinking about what makes me feel loved. Perhaps you have heard of the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and gifts. While I think sometimes too much is ascribed to the different love languages, I also think it is a really great tool for communicating your wants and needs, especially if it is something you don’t have a lot of comfort or familiarity with. The link above will take you to a quiz to help you identify your love language. It is also a nifty activity together to do with your partner.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been realizing that physical touch is way more important to me than I thought it was. I also realized that I get in my way there far more that my need isn’t being met by my partner. I have a tendency to equate all physical touch with leading towards sex, which often makes me freeze up and withdraw, even when I crave connection. I have PTSD and while I have healed so much more than I thought was possible when I first started healing, I’ve also realized that I have so much further to go. (Of course, that healing could also have less to do with my personal ptsd and more just with how repressed and disconnect from our bodies we are in the U.S.) I find it hard to ask for my needs, but something that has been making me feel really loved is sharing both my needs around physical touch and my challenges with it and being loved and supported in both.

Take 5-15 minutes and write about

What makes you feel loved?

I hope you feel deeply loved the people in your life, whether that is a partner, friendships, family, or some combination of all of them. I hope this prompt helps you identify the ways you are already loved and appreciated and also helps you ask for any unmet needs.

Your friend,
Laura